She is Not You

As the season slowly changes to winter, we begin a time of reflection on the year we leave behind. The happy and sad. We think about all we accomplished and all the things we didn’t. We make goals and resolutions with new ambition. Our Philosophie Goddess, Marissa Cohen, took time to share an important message to remember as we turn our attention to the year ahead and the person we wish to manifest in us.

Thank you, Marissa. More than ever, we need to remember to truly love yourself. ♥

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When I was a freshman in high school, I heard two popular upperclassmen girls talking about their latest discover: The Master Cleanse. I walked into the bathroom and pinched my tummy and then went home on a mission to survive off of cayenne pepper, lemon juice and a touch of maple syrup for the next week.

Soon, it wasn't just the girls I knew in my life that I compared to my diet. Social media gave me the ability to see what everyone from a fit model in LA to a food blogger in Australia was eating in a day. I became obsessed with watching "what I eat in a day" YouTube videos and was infatuated with discovering exactly, and I mean exactly, what others consumed. I wanted to know how much of something they ate, how often, at what time, whether they ate the same thing every day or if it constantly changing. Once I started following specific dietitians and health influencers' pages I began to see their ways as the "right" way. Of course, this was extremely confusing when everyone's opinions conflicted. Vegan or paleo? To juice or to chew? Food became divided into categories of good and bad, allowed and forbidden, even, safe and scary.

My effort to understand what other people ate was rooted in my desire to be more like them. I figured, if I could follow their diets then I could look like them. As if shaping my plate to reflect theirs would lead my body to mirror theirs. This way of thinking led to me to disregard my own preferences, my own needs and my own sense of independence about food. Although I was eating, I was depriving myself. Every time I craved something that wasn't what "she" was eating, I would deny myself and force myself to have whatever social media said was acceptable. I listened to Instagram over intuition.

But that “girl" on Instagram I was comparing myself, as lovely as "she" may have been, is not me. Whoever you are judging yourself against, she is not you. You will never be her. No matter if you eat like her, or dress like her, or even act like her, you will always be you. And that is beautiful. It is your privilege and your right to be uniquely you.

I'm learning to look at others as inspiration instead of direction. Your favorite Instagrammer’s smoothie recipe might be a good rotation to try, but it does not have to become your one and only breakfast. Drinking her smoothie will not magically give you her stomach.

You will always have your one body -- your legs, your stomach, your hips, your arms and everything in between. You can become your best self, whatever that looks like and whatever that feels like by taking the best care of yourself. But you are not her. She is not you.